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While pregnancy and lactation were complementing the effect of hormones,Manuelito, my bosom son, was completing my femininity with his voraciousappetite. He suckled five or six times a day, sometimes during the night.The bond between mother and son had become unbreakable. Joana sometimeshad to work a long shift, and would end up sleeping over at the mansion asit was too late -and unsafe- for her to return to the village. So shewould let Mustapha and me sleep with her child in the same bed, butsometimes she would do it even when she was at home. Thanks to my milk,Manuelito was gaining weight rapidly and growing as a healthy baby. Joanaand I had become like sisters. She was thankful to me for being the mothershe couldn't be (her breasts unfortunately had never started lactating).For me, it was nice to finally have the company of a woman, a geneticwoman. I admired her beauty. But most of all, I admired her because shewas a woman, a genetic woman. Her closeness was one of the. She cried until she made herself sick and then she cried some more. Her legs wouldn’t hold her. Her body rebelled against everything sane. She could not form coherent sentences. She could not think. Her skin was cold and clammy. Her lips were tinged with blue. Her heart pounded so hard I could see it under the thin satin of her nightgown and in the pulse at her throat. She tried to talk to me but she couldn’t. All she could get out was: “He is leaving me.” So I became your damage control. What did I do? I picked her up from the floor. I brushed away her tears and held her as closely as I dared. A part of me was afraid she would break, as if she were made of fine crackled glass. I held her hands to stop the shaking. I put her into the bed she once shared with you. I covered her with a quilt, then another one, then another one. I tucked them around her as if she were a sick child. I left her long enough to go to the kitchen. I made sure to make enough noise that she would know I was.
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